Monday, March 21, 2016

She just had a couple clots come out, Karen is massaging her uterus and Steph is trying to get Parker to latch. We are hoping she doesn't have to go to the hospital again. as of right now everything is still good. Keep sending positive thoughts and prayers.
Steph just got some wonderful words of encouragement from Karen, she and baby are going great! They will check her uterus again and then it's "oxytocin time" according to Karen and we are all going to give the new family a little time to bond.

Placenta is out, her fundus is firm. The midwives are managing everything beautifully. Steph is so happy, she is talking to Parker and encouraging him to nurse.
She asked for guidance with her next push, andrea helped coach her and Steph powered baby out in one big contraction.

It's a BOY!!!!! Parker is here! He is doing great! Steph is doing great!
She wants to move to the birth stool, they are setting up the stool in the bedroom. The contractions are coming close together. It is so wonderful to see her working with her body in this quiet and sacred space.
Everything is set up, Steph can feel the baby moving down. Karen just gave her soome words of encouragement, it's time to meet the baby, then nap time.

Steph has been working so hard today, she is ready for a rest.

Her sounds have started to change a little, she still has a long moan but now at the peek of the contraction she moves into pushing and an "ahhhh" sound. There is nothing more beautiful then a woman bringing her baby into the world.
she just moved to hands and knees, had one contraction and said, I think the baby is coming! We are all getting excited, the birth team is setting everything up.
She is sitting now, leaning back on Ken, Karen is sitting in front of her, she just said she thinks she feels more pressure. yay.

Listening to the baby...baby is on her left side, sounds great.

The photographer has arrived :)

Natalie here...
I just arrived, the lights are low and the apartment is silent except for the wonderful sound of Stephanie singing her labor song. The midwives have been here for a couple hours and just broke her water about 30 minutes ago. The contractions started to get more intense and closer together after that. She is standing in the bedroom leaning on Ken and Karen is giving her counter pressure. Heather and Andrea are giving Steph water and cooling her down with a cool cloth. She is doing so well and has had another two contractions since I started typing. It sounds like we are getting close. I will continue to keep everyone updated between taking photos :o)
Keep sending the love and prayers!

Just an update

So after Steph decided that she needed to disconnect for a bit and take her mind off of labor, we went and watched a movie (that new Divergent movie) at 2130.  We had stopped trying to keep track of her contraction duration/frequency for a while in hopes that it would help get her more relaxed, and ready to go into active labor.

Movie ended a little before midnight, and it seemed like she was getting a little more uncomfortable than earlier in the day; we decided to monitor her contractions again.  She was at 40-60 sec every 3-6 mins.   Called Karen and her minion (Andrea) an hour later.

As of right now, the birth team has set up their base in our apartment, and made sure all their equipment and tools were functional.


Will try to keep updating later.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Reclaiming

I am going to be signing off until further notice.  When you hear again it will probably be from Ken or someone else on the birth team with an update.  I have been way too stuck in my head today and after a perfect call to one of my best friends, Sheridan, I got the perfect pep talk that I needed to step back and reclaim my space and my mentality about this labor.  It is out of my control and I have been trying so hard to control it and make it perfect for myself and everyone else.  I know that no one is putting these expectations on me but myself and it is time to let all of them go.  To my prayer warriors, pray that I have peace in God's plans and that I can let go of expectations and let this birth be whatever it is supposed to be.  I love you all and I have really appreciated all of the calls and texts, but I will be shutting down my phone now to everything but calls to my midwife and calls from my parents about the kids.  So if you get no response, you know why!

We may have this baby tonight, tomorrow morning, or three day from now, regardless, it will be exactly what it is meant to be. Much love to everyone!!!

Resting and Gearing Up

It has been a quiet, peaceful day over here.  Still contracting and it is definitely uncomfortable, they don't go away but they've been about the same strength.  I know the peacefulness will be ending all too soon so I am reveling in it.  My husband is currently taking a nap and I may head that direction too.  I have made a long list of small things to keep us occupied but none of them are a necessity so we may drop most of them and go see a movie instead.  My mind is moving a mile a minute which makes sleeping hard so I might do some coloring and maybe get in the pool since I don't think it will make my contractions any less intense.  I just really want to be mentally and physically ready for active labor, transition, and birth.  I am trying to get in a more meditative mindset now since I was not able to with Pierce's birth and fought each contraction instead of working with them.  It is easy to slip out of that and fight the pain instead of letting it flow past you.  Hopefully I can find a mantra that will pull me through and that I can have Ken repeat when I feel too far gone.

We are going to pick up some lunch in a bit since I am starting to get hungry!

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!!  We are so grateful for everyone.

Trying not to get too excited!

Well, I made a valiant effort to get to Olive Market but only made it up San Mateo to Fern before feeling like I wouldn't be able to make it all the way.  We opted for Carolyn's Cafe because it was closer and the guy who runs it recognized me from my bad experience last time we were there and treated us like royalty!  I let our server know I was in early labor and she and a few other servers were sharing their birth stories with me and they all made me feel so special.  I had quite a few contractions in the short time we were there and it got to the point where I didn't think I was going to be able to finish my food so they packaged it up for me and we walked home.  I wasn't planning on timing my contractions anytime soon, but with how close they were at Carolyn's I decided to start.  They aren't super consistent but getting even stronger.  I had a moment of fear in Carolyn's where I turned to Ken and said, "what if I can't handle the pain?"  He immediately goes, "what do you mean?  You've done this twice already.  We can always get you to the hospital for an epidural.....hahaha" and that was the end of that conversation!  I know my body and I welcome the pain.  Each contraction brings me closer to having this little one in my arms.

I am so tempted to get in the pool because the weather is beautiful, but I am worried about doing anything that could slow down my contractions so i think I'll hold off for a little bit longer and get some laundry done instead!


Time to cut those Strings!

Well, I have had quite a few contractions over night and they are getting stronger!  Since they aren't going away, I'm going to assume this is the real thing.  It still may take all day and night, but slow and steady gets the baby!  (or something like that ;).  Ken and I are heading out on a long walk to Olive Market or further this morning in order to try and get this labor moved along.  I've got my support band on and a cup of red raspberry leaf, nettles, and alfalfa in hand and I am SO excited.  I still have a cough/runny nose.  So pray for strength and healing for me and Ken who is about at the same place.  I haven't started timing the contractions yet because I don't want to get ahead of myself in case they slow down.  I'm keeping all of my energy focused on the positives and even if they do slow down, I know we will be meeting this baby soon, even if it is tomorrow!  My labors have been very long, so I am mentally ready for the haul.  I will update more when we get back from our walk!  The kids are still at the in-laws and we are missing them like crazy.  My parents will be heading to get them later today and take over the grandparent duties until the baby comes.  I can't wait for them to meet the new little one either and to have them back home!

To my village:  Feel free to cut those strings and send your intentions my way!!  I love knowing that you are all following along and sending me love and strength.  I can't wait for you all to meet this new baby!!


Saturday, March 19, 2016

Maybe? Sometime in the next three days?

Well, I don't want anyone to get excited, so I'm not posting the blog on Facebook just yet, but I've had some promising progress today.  A few mild contractions an hour, but they are definitely not only Braxton-Hicks contractions anymore.  My wonderful in-laws took the kids yesterday and are keeping them until tomorrow.  It is so hard to be away from them, especially when they are not feeling 100% but it has been so nice to have time to rest and recuperate and try to kick this horrible flu bug. I know that they are being doted on and are being given so much love and attention which is exactly what they need right now. I am feeling better than I have the last few days and definitely well enough to handle labor if it comes to that (which I hope it will!).  Today I am technically 41 weeks and 4 days which is one day longer than I went with Pierce.  However, those dates were never perfect because we are basing them off of one ultrasound measurement done by my midwife.  I feel more like I am approaching 41 weeks rather than 42 but my body is definitely telling me it is ready to be done.

The baby is moving and grooving in here and has been loving the time we have spent in the pool and napping the last two days.  I am getting as much homework done as I can in prep for having a newborn and the house is pretty much as put together as it's going to get.  I am going to go get a pedicure (the last one for a loooooong while) and hopefully the foot massage will help my contractions along.  As with most women, my contractions get stronger at night, or at least they did with Pierce, so I am excited to see what the night will bring, but if all it brings is another amazing night of sleep, I will gladly take that too!

Random Non-baby related thoughts.... Ken and I went on a breakfast date to Clarkie's in Yucaipa today and the menu is almost identical to Carolyn's in Redlands.  We also recognized one of the waiters working there as a guy who used to work at Carolyn's.... coincidence?  Or are the owners of Carolyn's trying to capitalize on it's success?  Regardless, the food was slightly more expensive but just as delicious as Carolyn's. We didn't try their "Cinnamon Streussle Muffins" which were basically coffee cake in the shape of a muffin, but I'm interested to see how it compares!
Ken got the Big Hass and I got the California Scrambler in a burrito.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Finally- A Letter to my Husband

Dear Ken,

God made it clear to me early on in our relationship that we were meant to be together.  He encouraged me to never lose faith in us, even when we struggled and I couldn't see the whole picture.  Well, God was SO right (as usual).  There is no one on this earth that I would rather share my life with.  With baby #3 almost here, we have been on a hell of a ride and you have pulled me through every crazy moment.  You have been there to deal with my anxiety and fear, always remaining steadfast and grounded, especially when I needed it most.

I know you have been dealing with a pregnant wife for three years, and let me tell you, not many men can survive what you have.  Through every crazy, hormonal moment, you have showed me love and compassion.  You have taught me to not take myself so seriously with your constant teasing and I will continue to roll my eyes at every ridiculous joke you make while secretly laughing on the inside.
Nothing can describe what I feel when I see you with our children.  It's as if my heart were going to burst from happiness and love and yet it only grows bigger and my love for you deeper.  The way you make them laugh and push their limits (and mine as well).  You always encourage them and are patient beyond words.  The love you show them is simply beautiful and joy filled.  You never lose your temper at them, you stay calm and explain things for the hundredth time.

You provide everything for us.  You work so hard and are good at your job, but not only that, you have passion for what you do.  You work 8- 14 hour days and then come home and still give us all of you.  You never take a break (even when I offer!) and I wish you would more often.  What you give to us will never be taken for granted.  I love you for working so hard for our family, but that is just the man you are.  I can't wait to see you with a newborn in your arms again, using your calm presence to put them to sleep.

I will love you forever and cherish every memory we get to make together.  Thank you for being my life and giving me three beautiful babies.  I can't wait to see what the future has in store and how we will weather the storm together.

A Letter to Baby Palaad #3

Oh sweet baby, we are eagerly awaiting you!

Any day, any hour you will be arriving into our arms and I simply cannot wait.  I imagine what you will look like and whether you will be a boy or a girl.  Everyone keeps asking me what I think you will be and I honestly have no idea.  I like that you will be a surprise!  A great reward after labor and because I will love you either way.  I have moments of fear where I think that I may not be able to handle the pain again, but then it calms and I remember that I will be bringing you into the world, and there is no pain that would keep me from having you healthy in my arms.

Your brother and sister already love you so much and you know their voices.  It will be so comforting to come into the world surrounded by those familiar sounds.  Your brother doesn't quite know what is going on yet, but in a few months that will change and it will be so much fun to see you interact together.  Your sister, on the other hand, is so so excited. She talks about you all the time and practices her big sister skills on her dolls.  I know she will be of so much help when you arrive!

Your daddy is so ready to meet you too.  He wants to have another baby to love on and play with and watch you grow with your siblings.  I hope that I can give you all of the attention you deserve, but I know there will be times when I am not able to and I have to forgive myself for that right now.  One thing I will never worry about is how much love I have for you.  After having your brother,  I know that love only grows and expands, it never diminishes or becomes less by giving it to others.  You are bringing more love and joy into our lives, we couldn't ask for anything else.  I pray to God every day that you will come soon, but I know that it is when you and God decide that we are all ready.

I am looking forward to holding you in my arms and nursing you and soaking up every single second of your life.  Thank you for existing and for coming to our family.  God has a perfect plan and it is abundantly evident to me.

Little Parker or Piper- We love you!

A letter to my son Pierce

Dear Pierce,

Is there anyone in this world more joy-filled than you??  You are so vibrant that I wonder what I did to deserve to be in your light.  You were a complete surprise and one that I am SO glad happened.  I couldn't imagine it any other way.  You are just so in love with the world and it is in love with you right back.  You make your dad, sister, and I laugh all the time and as soon as you hear us laughing, you join right in.

You wanted to be rocked to sleep tonight and I almost didn't do it because I was caught up in myself.  As soon as I took you into my arms, your body relaxed and you were fast asleep.  Thank you for trusting me, for knowing that you are safe with me and so, so loved.  I kept smelling your head and kissing you and a feeling came over me that I won't be holding you as often anymore and there was a deep deep sadness that engulfed me.  You are so quickly turning into a toddler and I know you will always need me, but it is going too fast.  Just like with your sister, I would go back and relive every moment of your life if I could.  You have no idea that you will soon be a big brother, but you sure like climbing all over my giant pregnant belly.  I am so looking forward to seeing you with the new baby!  I know you will pass all of your love and joy along to them and that they will feel loved forever.  We will all be learning and growing together as a family and I ask in advance for your forgiveness when I fail.   I know that I will still be able to give you love and attention, but there is always a certain level of mom guilt that it will never be enough because I want to give you the world.
You do so many funny things, one of my favorites is how you eat like there is no tomorrow.  You love food SO much and I love watching you explore all of the new tastes.  I know that someone will always appreciate my cooking!  You are learning to sign and can do "all done" and you love to wave goodbye.  You point at everything and say "Dah!" and you especially love balloons.  Ever time music comes on you get this big smile and you start dancing.  You can walk so fast that it is almost running and it delights and terrifies me at the same time.  You and your sister both love bath time, especially putting your face in the bubbles to make a bubble beard.  You like to climb everything and to take the dishes out of every cabinet in the kitchen.

God has such big plans for you and I can't wait to see what the end up being.  You are almost 1 year old and time needs to seriously slow down.  I am apologizing in advance for the many years of joint birthday parties that you all have ahead of you.

Thank you for showing me how great God's love can be, and how much more love can enter into my heart.
I love you, Piercey. never stop gracing others with your light and love.

A Letter to my daughter Penny

Dear Penelope,

You are the light of my life.  I could never have imagine that my heart could be so full until you came into the world.  Every moment of your life has been my greatest joy.  You have taught me so much about love and trust and how to slow down and live in the moment.  Your spirit shines through every movement you make.  I pray every day that nothing stops your light from shining, especially me when I get frustrated or impatient.  You love your brother so much and have embraced being a sister to the fullest.  You always include him and show him love, even when he is being a pesky little brother.  I know your bond will last forever.  Even though I had to miss out on nursing you for as long as I wanted, I have never felt less connected to you.

You will be 2 years old soon and already a sister twice over.  This new baby will bring challenges and difficulties, but I know we will make it through together because our bond is so strong.  The new baby will feel all of your love and care that you already show your brother.  You kiss my belly all day long and talk to the baby as if you are old friends.  You make sure that mommy knows that the baby will nurse and you love to imitate what you think the baby's cries will sound like.  Your little brother or sister already knows you, they know your voice and your hands that rub my belly.  They are as excited to meet you as you are to meet them!

I love your personality, you are spunky and smart and love to tell me every word you know.  My favorites are "boops" (boots) and how you name all of your friends-Kylie and Coopah and Emery and Onen (Owen) and Lownen (Lauren) and Latilie (Natalie).  You are fascinated with the world and love to run up and down grassy hills and climb all over the playground.  You sing, oh how you sing!!  It makes my heart leap out of my chest and I pray, selfishly, that you will one day love music and singing as much as your dad and I do.  You love to put your shoes on all by yourself, especially backwards, and clothing is no match for you.  You put pants and shirts on like a boss.  I can barely keep up with you, but you slow down just for me.

I wish I could replay every moment of your life, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could, even the difficult moments.  I thank God every day for blessing me with you and I will never take your love for granted.

I love you my wonderful Penny.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Changing the Sleep Perspective

Hello fellow Team No Sleep, Warriors!

These thoughts of baby sleep deprivation have been rattling around in my brain for a while now and they are itching to get out.  I hear moms say constantly, "How do I get my baby to sleep longer?"  "I can't survive without more sleep!"  "If I do cry-it-out will my baby sleep through the night?" and any thousands of variations on those themes.  Well, I am here today to challenge you AND myself (since I know I will be wanting to eat my words as soon as this new baby arrives!).  It's time to change the perspective that we have on sleep and especially how we approach this lack of sleep.

Most moms have heard it all, "this sleep method is perfect", "My baby does x,y,z so yours can too!"  "they aren't sleeping through the night yet?? But they're already three months!"  I am not going to talk about any of these methods because every. single. little. baby. is completely different and needs to be approached that way.  I have my own ideas about sleep that have worked great for my littles, but it is not my job to place those ideas on other moms.  What I AM going to talk about though, is privilege.

Yes, that nasty little word that we like to ignore all the time, but really encompasses our entire lives.  When we talk about not getting enough sleep, that is real and it is valid, and it is OK to be tired.  What is hard to hear is that even with our lack of sleep-- we are some of the most privileged people in the entire world.

Think about what it means for you to get a "good night's sleep".  Does it mean 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep?  A comfy mattress? Being the right temperature? Not having to listen to a snoring husband or crying baby?  I can tell you right now that even expecting these things is a privilege.  The majority of the world does NOT have a comfy, expensive mattress to sleep on.  They don't have the option of an uninterrupted nights sleep because they are surrounded by the sounds of gunfire, bombs, screaming.  They have no blankets or temperature control through the blistering summers or frigid winters, other than the warmth of each other.  Bedsharing is not optional, it is 100% necessary.  There is no nursery or crib for babies to sleep away from their parents.  Breastfeeding is not optional either- it is a means of baby's survival.  There is no access to clean water or money for expensive formula.
Yet- women are giving birth through this, they are feeding babies through this, and they are surviving on probably less sleep than we can even imagine through all of these hardships.

Can we not at least acknowledge our privilege?  Can we step back from our own exhaustion and start to see things from another perspective?  I am blessed to have an amazing mattress to sleep on.  I am blessed to have a quiet place to rest while baby is sleeping (after kicking the snoring hubby out to the couch).  I am blessed that I don't have to live in fear over my family's survival.  I am blessed to be able to choose whether to sleep with my child, or put them in a crib.  I am blessed to have the choice between breastfeeding or formula feeding my children.  I AM BLESSED ABUNDANTLY.

This is not to ever shame any mom for feeling tired or overwhelmed or needing a break.  This are valid, normal feelings.  But maybe next time instead of "I can't survive without more sleep!"  We can come from a place of "my sleep may not be perfect, but my healthy baby, safe home, and healthy family are a blessing and I will cling to that".  It may just help you get more sleep at night <3.


Coming to you from the deepest depths of sleep deprivation- this is Stephanie Palaad, Over and Out!