It has been 5 months almost to the day that I have written a blog post. I wish I had time to keep up with it more because there is so much to say and just not enough time. Ultimately, I want this blog to be for future me. I want to be able to look back on all of my motherhood experiences and have memories that I can share with my children when they grow up. To be able to laugh at my naivety and to know that I got better as a person, as a wife and as a mom. Now on to the fun stuff...
Pierce is incredible. He lights up our life just like Penny does and they are just darling together. They love each other so much and Penny is always giving Pierce kisses and kicking him with her flailing limbs (accidentally, of course). He is turning 5 months old on Saturday and I just don't know where the time has gone. I am grateful that these last few months have sped by. Even though people say to cherish every moment, to be completely honest, the first 3-4 months are the hardest for me. I think it is partly from having the kids so close together in age. Pierce and Penny both need constant love, attention, and being held, as young ones do, and many days my body aches from it all.
I am constantly at war with exhaustion and most days I can fend it off. Ken let me sleep a huge chunk of the night last night and it was almost terrible. I woke up feeling more exhausted than I ever have in my life and I simply couldn't keep my eyes open. I think I need to stay in a constant state of near-exhaustion to function. Not healthy, I know, but it is only for a few years (I keep telling myself this, but dear God, please let it only be a few years!). Poor Ken, he just wanted to help but instead created a monster!
School is my biggest struggle right now. Mostly because I absolutely love being a student and not having enough time in the day to be a GOOD student really gets to me. I get frustrated when Pierce or Penny won't go to sleep for the night because I need to take a test or do homework. Then, of course, the mom guilt creeps in because my kids are my #1 priority and really, who cares if I get a C on my exam? I know that I have to sacrifice things in order to have it all, but I really really wish I could give everything in my life 100%. Right now it's 95% kids and 5% school... when they're asleep... if they go to sleep. At this point I just want to graduate and I can't enjoy school the way I normally would.
As always, I am grateful for all of the incredible women in my life that keep me going. My tribe is the best tribe in the entire world and I wouldn't be half the mom I am without them. To end on a positive note, since most of this has been a sob story, every single day has these incredible moments where I just feel like the most blessed person in the entire world to have these two beautiful babies and a husband that loves and cherishes us (that we never get to see, but that's a story for another time). It will hit me out of nowhere and bowl me over. Ultimately, as angry as I get at God sometimes, He has thoroughly blessed me.
