What doesn't get done...

My mom is one of the mot incredible women I know, so you will continue to see her words of wisdom on this blog!  I have a new motto this Christmas season and I have her to thank for it.

I was rushing around like a mad woman, trying to prepare for hosting my very first cookie exchange (a tradition that my mom had started and that I wanted to continue).  It was the day of the exchange and I had almost everything done-- except that the house was still a complete mess and I had yet to bake any cookies for said party.  Sensing my stress, Penny decided to reflect it by not wanting to take a nap and needing to be held (completely my fault, and I knew it).  Let me tell you, it is nearly impossible to clean or bake holding a baby.  I had been up until 3 am the night before getting everything ready and making small gifts for the ladies at the breastfeeding support group and was running on almost empty.  My mom texted me at the perfect moment and said, "I will be thinking about you all day.  Have a blast and remember: What doesn't get done wasn't supposed to."  I immediately stopped, took a deep breath, said a prayer, and let go of everything.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  Because really, I was having mommy friends over, who all completely understand what it is like to have a baby and be trying to do everything.  And honestly, the cookie exchange was a total success , thanks to the help of Veronica and despite my cookies turning out a complete mess.

The cookie exchange was such a great reminder for me about what is important this season. It's not about the cookies or the gifts or rushing around to make everything perfect, it's just about celebrating all of the wonderful people in your life.  I am so thankful for my mommy friends, that show me new depths of love and compassion, and all of my friends who have been with me through thick and thin and are always there to catch me.

Remember this Christmas, that whatever you are rushing around trying to finish, it is not as important as the people in your life.  I'm making it a goal that every Christmas season will be stress free and that I will stay focused on God and his love and mercy.

Have a very merry Christmas everyone!

An Open Letter to Dr. Caruso

Dr. Caruso,

It is time.  Time to tell you how I really feel and have felt for quite a while.  I was never treated with respect by you.  You tried to scare me with stories of natural births that had gone wrong and laughed while telling their stories as if it were ridiculous to even hope for .  I told you I wanted to birth without pain medication and your response was “Well, if you are screaming and tearing down the curtains, we will give you something for the pain.”  The funny part?  The only sound I made during labor was when I pushed my baby’s head out of my vagina.  When, I asked you about a doula, you defensively responded “Your husband is your greatest coach.”  My husband is fantastic, but he is new to childbirth as well!  How is he supposed to advocate for me and coach me and keep me sane all while I'm trying to squeeze his hand off and he is trying to stay awake after being up for 60 hours straight?

 You constantly berated me about my weight saying you were worried about my health and how I was going to be able to lose it after the baby came.  I am athletic, and I know how to work out and I eat healthy.  I don’t appreciate that you made me feel like I am hurting the health of my baby by gaining 35 TOTAL pounds while pregnant (This is even within the accepted range!).  I didn’t appreciate your looks of pity and constant replies of “looks like it’s going to be a big baby. We are going to induce you if it looks like more than 9 lbs on the ultrasound and we will talk about c-section if the baby looks too big.”  You made me cry after almost every appointment, but that one was the worst.  I wasn’t even going to be allowed to try a natural labor simply because of the size of my baby?  I would sit in the car with my husband and weep because you had made me so stressed out about my baby’s health.  I had an almost completely normal pregnancy, minus the polyhydramnios.  I was not high risk, my baby was healthy and so was I.  However, after my glucose test came back normal, all you could say was “It’s only because you are young that you don’t have gestational diabetes.”  Basically assuming that I ate horribly and didn’t care about my or my baby’s health. 

I finally took back a smidgen of control when I decided NOT to go to an unnecessary ultrasound.  Your response? “We need to get you in immediately to see the size of the baby.”  I told you I didn’t care about how big my baby was.  I went to the ultrasound and was frantically told by the high risk ultrasound doctor that I should be induced that day or a few days later at the latest because of the excess fluid.  I was only 38 weeks and 5 days.  After 33 hours of labor with no pain medication and Pitocin,  I pushed my beautiful baby girl into the world with no problems (despite the resident’s lack of faith and wanting a c-section for me).  And what did you ask me at my 6 week appointment?  “How big was she?” I responded with 8 lbs 5 oz and you said “Aren’t you glad we didn’t wait any longer?  She would have been too big!”  So now I wonder all the time, did you induce me because it was absolutely medically necessary, or was it because you wanted to be the one to place my cervadil and didn’t want me to risk birthing a “big baby”?  

I’m still healing from the care I received from you.  The nurses I will leave out of my critique because they were supportive and incredible.  But a lot of my birth story still holds anger and resentment for me, instead of power and strength.   I am taking back that power right now because I deserve it, and so does my next baby.

Now I get to tell you the good part- I’m choosing homebirth for my next baby due in April and my midwife is incredible.  I ultimately have to say thank you because, without your poor care, I would not have had a reason to find a better option for me and my family.  I will be in full control of my birth and I have educated myself on the dangers and joys of homebirth.  I am not stepping into this birth blindly the way I did with my first.  I put my trust and faith in you and you failed me as my care provider.  I have learned so much and I am so lucky to be supported in my choices by both my family and my husband.  I didn’t know that it was possible to be excited about labor!  I can’t wait to birth my baby and I am at peace with however my birth story turns out because I know I will be given the chance to have a completely successful natural birth.  If this does not happen, my birth will still be beautiful because I was in control and empowered to make my own choices with the guidance of my midwife. 

I wish you could experience natural homebirth, at least by attending one, so that you can see what you are doing to women in the hospital and what you are missing out on.  I feel sorry that you have been jaded by bad experiences and no longer believe in wholesome, natural, or women-empowered childbirth.  I hope you can heal from the traumas that you have seen at the hospital births and have faith in women and their bodies again.  I pray you get to experience your own healing births through women who experience joy in labor and childbirth.  Then, there will be no more fear for you, only faith in your skills and knowledge that women are capable and have the strength to face challenges for the health of their babies.  You can make a huge difference in childbirth, I just wish you could see it.

Sincerely,

Stephanie Palaad

1 Month Later...

Of course, in my last blog post, I promised to write more often... that obviously hasn't happened!  I am now 4 weeks into school, which is the main reason for my lack of writing.  Penelope is now 4 months and 2 weeks old!  She is an incredibly talkative little girl and loves to make sing-song noises to herself in her crib when she is supposed to be sleeping.  I am so in love and I know Ken is too!  He has so much fun playing with her and it is incredible watching their relationship grow.  I could not as for a better husband.

We have discovered that Penny loves the violin!  Ken played it for her the other day and she was totally enthralled.  He has also played the guitar for her which she loves, but she was truly fascinated by the violin.  I am almost 100% certain that she will be a musical little girl... at least if her parents have anything to say about it.  I sing to her constantly, probably more than I talk to her, and we have fun making up songs about everything from burping to changing diapers.

The heat here has been overwhelming, but that hasn't stopped my fierce group of mamas from completing our weekly hikes!  We just drag our butts out of bed earlier and earlier to avoid the heat and give our babies some much needed outdoor time.  I am more and more certain every day that babies are not meant to be inside all day.  Penny just loves seeing the world around her and the grocery store has become an especially fun trip for her.  The colorful foods on the shelves keep her entertained.

Penny has also begun grabbing for things.  She loves grabbing my hair, but luckily still lets go when I ask for it back.  When she sees me eating or drinking and it is about time for her to eat as well, she starts to get really upset.  I think she is finally understanding the association of food.  Ken and I have been experimenting with giving her the tiniest little tastes of things and she has liked everything so far... especially Nana's red sauce!  She also loved gnawing on my plum, I think it felt good on her gums since she is teething.

Oh man... so many things to update!  This time I mean it when I say that I will update more.  It gives me a reason to procrastinate on school work at the very least.

Here are a few pics of Penny now:

 Sittin' in the bumbo...

 Chillin on her play mat...

 Taking an afternoon snooze... wish I was her!

 Rockin' the shades!

 Wondering why mom has such a weird face...

 Getting a bath from Nana...

Dat curl though...

Long Time, No Blog

Having a baby is no joke... obviously.  It has been difficult to get back to writing the blog when every day is so full.  Penny is incredible and can already roll from her tummy to her back and from her side to her tummy!  She is getting stronger every day and I am trying to soak up every minute.  She is now 3 months and one week old and it is crazy how time is flying.  I have decided to let go of my job at the City of Newport Beach.  I need to spend more time with Penny, and I also want to be able to pursue other things and finish my education.  I have been with them for so long, it is going to be an interesting adjustment but I think I am ready.  I start school again in just a few days and I am interested to see how things are going to change with the extra workload.  A lot of my mom friends are going back to work soon and I am always thinking about them.  It would be extremely difficult for me to leave Penny to go to work, and I think they are incredible to be continuing their careers and raising a child!

My training for the spartan race is going well.  I haven't been doing much running, but I am committed to working out at least five times a week.  It should be an interesting race. 

I am going to keep it short for now, but there is more to come soon!

 Pool Time!

 Slowly starting to like the bumbo.

 We love our Giraffe!

Tummy time has turned into roll over time.

The Day I Became a Cloth Diaper Addict

The day has arrived.  I am officially addicted to cloth diapers.  I can't help it, I have simply fallen in love.  I am always thinking about ways to improve the cleaning process and have officially set up a clothes line in the back yard.  If you are wondering about cloth diapering-- just do it.  Gone are the days of diaper pins and hand washing in the toilet.  Now, the diaper covers are adorable and the more you do it, the better you get at getting them clean and making the process efficient.

I had wanted to do cloth diapering from the beginning of the pregnancy and I am so glad I stuck with it.  We had a period where Penny couldn't wear the cloth diapers because she had a small diaper rash due to her thrush and it killed me to watch our trash can overflow with diapers every day.  It was more disgusting than washing them out and made me feel guilty about what I was putting into the environment.  To be honest- if you can't handle poop, don't have a baby.  Washing out her diapers takes about 30 seconds for each one (about 5-7 diapers a day) so really I am only spending an extra 5 or so minutes a day on them.

And the best part? At least for my family overall... we are spending about $500 TOTAL on all our diaper needs for all of our kids.  If we had three kids, all using disposables, that total would be around $4,000 or more. That is a down payment on a new car.  So, yes, I love cloth diapering.

Penny's diapers line drying

Enough of that... for now at least! :) On to a Penny Update

Sorry for the days of silence.  We had Ken's younger sisters over to stay for a Wednesday and Thursday and it was so fun having them!  They helped us put our backyard together (it is still a work in progress but much improved).

The new section of our yard!

 Later in the day, Suzanne and I went for a much needed swim.  Ken, Monique, and Penny joined us later and Penny dipped her feet in for a few minutes in her adorable bathing suit and hat (Thanks Pat and Ashley!).

We spent the morning of 4th of July with our friends who were having a little welcoming party for their new baby.  It is SO much fun to be around other babies and new mommies.  They are all so adorable and you can feel the love pouring out. Penny was held by my friends mother and fell asleep almost immediately.  She definitely knows when a mother is carrying her!  Then we headed up to Lake Arrowhead to walk around the lake.  Penny was a trooper in the car but we only made it to Running Spring before deciding to turn around because it was pouring rain!  There was a thunderstorm and it was pretty fun, but not conducive to a relaxing walk near the lake.  We headed back down and made dinner at home and had a quite evening.  We are going to save the firework shows for next year when Penny can actually enjoy them.

I will be back to the grind tomorrow with my runs so I am savoring my last hours of rest day.

Hope everyone had a safe 4th!

Steph

76 Days to go & GO USA!

I will keep this one brief because the game is coming on and I have to go grab the laundry before it starts.  I went on another run this morning, this time I went 1 1/4 miles woohoo!  (sarcasm intended).  I keep getting down on myself for the distance but I can feel myself getting stronger and my muscles are sore constantly.  I keep a mantra in my head when I hit the hills and I have to walk them, "Soon you will be charging up this hill".   I also have been doing squats and different dance-type body weight exercises while I am rocking Penny to sleep.  It gives me something to do as well.  I know all the work will pay off when it comes time to get through this race and I'm glad Ken will be there with me to help push me.

USA plays Belgium today and I can't wait for the game to start.  I wanted to go watch it at a bar, but bars and babies don't always mix.  Especially when there is going to be loud cheering and yelling.  I hope you all get a chance to watch the game!

~Steph

First Run Postpartum, 77 days to go!

Wow, the time is absolutely flying by.  I am trying incredibly hard to stay on track, but the days seem to get away from me.  I did go on my first run in 11 months though!  Man, it was hard but it actually felt great.  I only went a mile, but was my goal and I am wary of pushing myself too hard too fast.

Ken is the best husband I could ever ask for.  I asked him if I could go on a run while he watched Penny and he didn't even hesitate.  He even helped kick me out of the house when I was stalling.  I felt completely exhausted the rest of the day but I know that the more I work out, the better shape I will be in and the less tired I will be in the long run.

Eating all of that food is still pretty difficult but my milk supply doesn't seem to be affected so I am not going to force food down my throat. I am not sure yet if Penny likes me working out... they say that it can make your milk taste sour after a workout.  I am just interested to see if it will affect her at all but she doesn't seem to mind so far!

As always, she makes ken and I die from laughter every day.  Today she told Ken loud and clear that she does not like being held high in the air.  She had the saddest face and Ken and I couldn't stop laughing.  I think it still amazes us the way she is able to communicate with us. Her little baby coos and gurgling is so adorable and we love having conversations with her.

 Wearing Daddy's shirt.

Chillin like a villain on the couch.

Love,

Steph