Early Labor

I think we may have made it to official early labor!  I've felt like I was in early labor for the last week and man, it has been a mental trip.  The constant feelings of "Oh!  I think it's going to start!" to realizing that there really isn't anything happening.  It's a battle of endurance that I honestly could compare to labor itself.  Luckily, I have an amazing group of friends that have kept me busy and distracted, especially with Penny being sick.  I finally broke down around 7:00 pm last night and called my mom crying about how I was just plain OVER it.  We talked through so much and, as moms do, she turned my whole night around.  So... onto the beginning!

My mom and I discussed a few ideas to help me de-stress and really focus on the baby and we came up with a swim in the pool to get myself outside and clear my head.  I squeezed into my bathing suit which now barely fits but added a little bit of support to my huge belly.  Man it is a gorgeous night!  It was still a tiny bit warm and my apartment complex heats the swimming pool to a perfect temp.  The full moon was absolutely mesmerizing.  I just lazed in the water, visualizing holding my new little one and talking to them.  All of a sudden the baby started moving and kicking like crazy!  It felt like the baby's head was banging into my pelvis while it's fingers poked at my cervix, plus kicking it's legs out.  My midwife had mentioned that the baby might be in a position that was not putting enough pressure on my cervix and that was why I wasn't going into labor.  Now, however, between the tightness of my swimsuit and the buoyancy of the water, I felt baby shift and change into a better position with every movement.  Whatever discomfort I felt was outweighed by the fact that I knew the little one had re-positioned itself.  After about an hour of the relaxing water, I dragged myself out of the warm pool into the chilly air and made a run for it back home.  I hopped in a warm shower and then went to work on my hair.  As I was ripping my brush through the tangles, I felt the first real contraction!  I nonchalantly mentioned it to Ken, trying really hard not to get excited.  After about 30 minutes, he asked me if we should start timing them and I thought that was probably a good idea.  We have been timing for two hours now and they are an average of 10 minutes apart, each lasting about a minute.  I called my mom to let her know to slowly start heading this direction (she is planning on watching Penny for us during the labor).  Now I am off to call Karen, our midwife and let her know all of the info!  I will try my best to keep all of you updated at least once an hour until it gets to be too much, then I may have someone else fill in the blanks!

How to Prep for a Homebirth

Waiting for baby to come has been hard, but I definitely haven't been lacking in things to do!  I decided to compile a list of things that helped me prep for this birth, we'll see if any of it was effective!

1. Clean the House

...and then clean it again.... and then clean it again and again and again.  Basically, wash, rinse, repeat, until you feel like it is as clean as it's going to get.  With Penny (and a husband who doesn't like putting clothes in hampers) I feel like my house is in a constant state of disarray.  I'll clean only to have things explode again.  I think I have gone through and cleaned probably 10 times now.  Plus, you have no idea when the baby is going to come so most days I wake up saying "if the baby comes today, I'm screwed!"  As of today though, I have definitely hit nesting stage and I'm picking up the house like crazy!  Hopefully this is a good sign.

2. Set up the Birth Tub

I let Ken handle this one cause he likes to figure things out. Of course he had it set up in about ten minutes. Let me just say, the Aqua Doula birth tub we are using is miraculous.  I am in heaven and I'm not even in labor yet.  I think every birthing women deserves to labor in water.  It brings a different aspect to the pain and makes it more manageable.  I love that it is a more gentle entrance into the world for baby as well, from water to water.

3. Buy your Homebirth Kit

It was so much fun going over all aspects of the birth kit at our homevisit.  The midwives explained all the different tools and what they would be used for.  Having so many friends in the medical field helps too.  I have enough chucks and mesh panties to last me through three homebirths.

4. Set everything up!

I finally got around to this today... now everything is organized and ready to go.

5. Make sure you have a fully stocked fridge!

This one is hard because I feel like I need to go grocery shopping every day! We have been eating so many meals in that we start out with everything ready to go and then eat it all so quickly.  Now we need to go grocery shopping again but with Ken's crazy work schedule and how tired I am, I might have to just wing it!

6. Have a plan for your other children

My mom and I had figured out that she would come and get Penny as soon as I went into labor but there were so many unknown details!  It is hard to plan for a bunch of different scenarios.  Luckily I have an awesome community and many friends who offered to be back-ups in case of traffic or some other unforeseen circumstance.  It makes me feel so much better knowing that Penny will be all taken care of!!

7. Occupy yourself

I'm finally ready to go, but baby is on it's own schedule.  I am just trying to keep myself as busy as possible till this baby gets here!  

Waiting, and waiting and waiting

I have decided to follow in the footsteps of the amazing Natalie Johnson and blog during my labor!  I want everyone to be a part of it and to be able to follow along with what is happening.  I have received so much support this pregnancy and I am so excited to meet our new addition.  I know everyone is excited too and I can't wait to share this bundle of joy with you guys.

Now that we are at the tail end of the pregnancy, it feels like the days are just dragging on.  Of course, they are dragging on with laughter and love and beauty and an adorable, hilarious little girl and wonderful husband.  I'm trying to soak up every moment I have left of being a parent of just one but I'm finding myself more introspective by the day as my focus shifts to the new arrival.  We picked up our birth tub, the "Aqua Doula" (love the name!) on Tuesday at our prenatal appointment with Karen and we got to choose our student midwives too.  I'm excited to say that Andrea and Heather will be at our birth!  I feel such a strong connection to both of them and I am so grateful that I am able to choose my birth team.  It is such a stark difference from a hospital birth that it is almost glaring, but I won't get into that now ;).

I'm working on riding the wave of positive vibes that everyone is sending me.  I ran into some interesting negativity yesterday and it reminded me how easy it is to focus on one small negative experience and how quickly it can override all of the positivity.  Luckily, I talked through it with my husband and was able to release it.  He is great at reminding me to let go of the little things and that sometimes people speak from a place of hurting and to be sympathetic to their situation instead of judging their actions.

It is now Thursday and I am 38 weeks along (technically 39 weeks along) so we are really in the home stretch now.  Ken is off to take the car in for service and Penny and I are off to meet up with our friends at Olive Market (if she ever wakes up from her nap that is!)

I will try to write every day to keep everyone updated but I can't make any promises with schoolwork also in the balance. All I know is that things are good, and this little baby will come when it's ready!

What doesn't get done...

My mom is one of the mot incredible women I know, so you will continue to see her words of wisdom on this blog!  I have a new motto this Christmas season and I have her to thank for it.

I was rushing around like a mad woman, trying to prepare for hosting my very first cookie exchange (a tradition that my mom had started and that I wanted to continue).  It was the day of the exchange and I had almost everything done-- except that the house was still a complete mess and I had yet to bake any cookies for said party.  Sensing my stress, Penny decided to reflect it by not wanting to take a nap and needing to be held (completely my fault, and I knew it).  Let me tell you, it is nearly impossible to clean or bake holding a baby.  I had been up until 3 am the night before getting everything ready and making small gifts for the ladies at the breastfeeding support group and was running on almost empty.  My mom texted me at the perfect moment and said, "I will be thinking about you all day.  Have a blast and remember: What doesn't get done wasn't supposed to."  I immediately stopped, took a deep breath, said a prayer, and let go of everything.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  Because really, I was having mommy friends over, who all completely understand what it is like to have a baby and be trying to do everything.  And honestly, the cookie exchange was a total success , thanks to the help of Veronica and despite my cookies turning out a complete mess.

The cookie exchange was such a great reminder for me about what is important this season. It's not about the cookies or the gifts or rushing around to make everything perfect, it's just about celebrating all of the wonderful people in your life.  I am so thankful for my mommy friends, that show me new depths of love and compassion, and all of my friends who have been with me through thick and thin and are always there to catch me.

Remember this Christmas, that whatever you are rushing around trying to finish, it is not as important as the people in your life.  I'm making it a goal that every Christmas season will be stress free and that I will stay focused on God and his love and mercy.

Have a very merry Christmas everyone!

An Open Letter to Dr. Caruso

Dr. Caruso,

It is time.  Time to tell you how I really feel and have felt for quite a while.  I was never treated with respect by you.  You tried to scare me with stories of natural births that had gone wrong and laughed while telling their stories as if it were ridiculous to even hope for .  I told you I wanted to birth without pain medication and your response was “Well, if you are screaming and tearing down the curtains, we will give you something for the pain.”  The funny part?  The only sound I made during labor was when I pushed my baby’s head out of my vagina.  When, I asked you about a doula, you defensively responded “Your husband is your greatest coach.”  My husband is fantastic, but he is new to childbirth as well!  How is he supposed to advocate for me and coach me and keep me sane all while I'm trying to squeeze his hand off and he is trying to stay awake after being up for 60 hours straight?

 You constantly berated me about my weight saying you were worried about my health and how I was going to be able to lose it after the baby came.  I am athletic, and I know how to work out and I eat healthy.  I don’t appreciate that you made me feel like I am hurting the health of my baby by gaining 35 TOTAL pounds while pregnant (This is even within the accepted range!).  I didn’t appreciate your looks of pity and constant replies of “looks like it’s going to be a big baby. We are going to induce you if it looks like more than 9 lbs on the ultrasound and we will talk about c-section if the baby looks too big.”  You made me cry after almost every appointment, but that one was the worst.  I wasn’t even going to be allowed to try a natural labor simply because of the size of my baby?  I would sit in the car with my husband and weep because you had made me so stressed out about my baby’s health.  I had an almost completely normal pregnancy, minus the polyhydramnios.  I was not high risk, my baby was healthy and so was I.  However, after my glucose test came back normal, all you could say was “It’s only because you are young that you don’t have gestational diabetes.”  Basically assuming that I ate horribly and didn’t care about my or my baby’s health. 

I finally took back a smidgen of control when I decided NOT to go to an unnecessary ultrasound.  Your response? “We need to get you in immediately to see the size of the baby.”  I told you I didn’t care about how big my baby was.  I went to the ultrasound and was frantically told by the high risk ultrasound doctor that I should be induced that day or a few days later at the latest because of the excess fluid.  I was only 38 weeks and 5 days.  After 33 hours of labor with no pain medication and Pitocin,  I pushed my beautiful baby girl into the world with no problems (despite the resident’s lack of faith and wanting a c-section for me).  And what did you ask me at my 6 week appointment?  “How big was she?” I responded with 8 lbs 5 oz and you said “Aren’t you glad we didn’t wait any longer?  She would have been too big!”  So now I wonder all the time, did you induce me because it was absolutely medically necessary, or was it because you wanted to be the one to place my cervadil and didn’t want me to risk birthing a “big baby”?  

I’m still healing from the care I received from you.  The nurses I will leave out of my critique because they were supportive and incredible.  But a lot of my birth story still holds anger and resentment for me, instead of power and strength.   I am taking back that power right now because I deserve it, and so does my next baby.

Now I get to tell you the good part- I’m choosing homebirth for my next baby due in April and my midwife is incredible.  I ultimately have to say thank you because, without your poor care, I would not have had a reason to find a better option for me and my family.  I will be in full control of my birth and I have educated myself on the dangers and joys of homebirth.  I am not stepping into this birth blindly the way I did with my first.  I put my trust and faith in you and you failed me as my care provider.  I have learned so much and I am so lucky to be supported in my choices by both my family and my husband.  I didn’t know that it was possible to be excited about labor!  I can’t wait to birth my baby and I am at peace with however my birth story turns out because I know I will be given the chance to have a completely successful natural birth.  If this does not happen, my birth will still be beautiful because I was in control and empowered to make my own choices with the guidance of my midwife. 

I wish you could experience natural homebirth, at least by attending one, so that you can see what you are doing to women in the hospital and what you are missing out on.  I feel sorry that you have been jaded by bad experiences and no longer believe in wholesome, natural, or women-empowered childbirth.  I hope you can heal from the traumas that you have seen at the hospital births and have faith in women and their bodies again.  I pray you get to experience your own healing births through women who experience joy in labor and childbirth.  Then, there will be no more fear for you, only faith in your skills and knowledge that women are capable and have the strength to face challenges for the health of their babies.  You can make a huge difference in childbirth, I just wish you could see it.

Sincerely,

Stephanie Palaad

1 Month Later...

Of course, in my last blog post, I promised to write more often... that obviously hasn't happened!  I am now 4 weeks into school, which is the main reason for my lack of writing.  Penelope is now 4 months and 2 weeks old!  She is an incredibly talkative little girl and loves to make sing-song noises to herself in her crib when she is supposed to be sleeping.  I am so in love and I know Ken is too!  He has so much fun playing with her and it is incredible watching their relationship grow.  I could not as for a better husband.

We have discovered that Penny loves the violin!  Ken played it for her the other day and she was totally enthralled.  He has also played the guitar for her which she loves, but she was truly fascinated by the violin.  I am almost 100% certain that she will be a musical little girl... at least if her parents have anything to say about it.  I sing to her constantly, probably more than I talk to her, and we have fun making up songs about everything from burping to changing diapers.

The heat here has been overwhelming, but that hasn't stopped my fierce group of mamas from completing our weekly hikes!  We just drag our butts out of bed earlier and earlier to avoid the heat and give our babies some much needed outdoor time.  I am more and more certain every day that babies are not meant to be inside all day.  Penny just loves seeing the world around her and the grocery store has become an especially fun trip for her.  The colorful foods on the shelves keep her entertained.

Penny has also begun grabbing for things.  She loves grabbing my hair, but luckily still lets go when I ask for it back.  When she sees me eating or drinking and it is about time for her to eat as well, she starts to get really upset.  I think she is finally understanding the association of food.  Ken and I have been experimenting with giving her the tiniest little tastes of things and she has liked everything so far... especially Nana's red sauce!  She also loved gnawing on my plum, I think it felt good on her gums since she is teething.

Oh man... so many things to update!  This time I mean it when I say that I will update more.  It gives me a reason to procrastinate on school work at the very least.

Here are a few pics of Penny now:

 Sittin' in the bumbo...

 Chillin on her play mat...

 Taking an afternoon snooze... wish I was her!

 Rockin' the shades!

 Wondering why mom has such a weird face...

 Getting a bath from Nana...

Dat curl though...

Long Time, No Blog

Having a baby is no joke... obviously.  It has been difficult to get back to writing the blog when every day is so full.  Penny is incredible and can already roll from her tummy to her back and from her side to her tummy!  She is getting stronger every day and I am trying to soak up every minute.  She is now 3 months and one week old and it is crazy how time is flying.  I have decided to let go of my job at the City of Newport Beach.  I need to spend more time with Penny, and I also want to be able to pursue other things and finish my education.  I have been with them for so long, it is going to be an interesting adjustment but I think I am ready.  I start school again in just a few days and I am interested to see how things are going to change with the extra workload.  A lot of my mom friends are going back to work soon and I am always thinking about them.  It would be extremely difficult for me to leave Penny to go to work, and I think they are incredible to be continuing their careers and raising a child!

My training for the spartan race is going well.  I haven't been doing much running, but I am committed to working out at least five times a week.  It should be an interesting race. 

I am going to keep it short for now, but there is more to come soon!

 Pool Time!

 Slowly starting to like the bumbo.

 We love our Giraffe!

Tummy time has turned into roll over time.